My Biggest Frustration

In my entire life, I always dream of gaining massive weight since I have never tried to have that "healty" look. I am not really that thin, but I also want to try and want to feel to be "chubby" even just for a moment. I want to see if I look good if I'm chubby or I have to be thankful that I'm framed like this. Some people are envious because no matter how much I eat, I don't feel any changes in my weight. And that makes me more frustrated. No matter how hard I try, it's really not working. I took vitamins, food supplements and all possible ways in terms of medication to help me achieve my goal, to look healthy. The irony here is, there are chubby people who are also trying hard, exerting all their effort, just to loss weight. A lot go to gyms, or have their meal measured, or even buy weight loss bars and do their weight-loss routine at home. I sometimes wish, that I hope one day, I'll live a life like them. Kinda weird right? But for me, I just want to try it even just for a day. Some say, "be careful on what you wish for". But I say, "be in my shoes and you will know what I mean".

My Search for Serenity

I am so stressed, exhausted and depressed these past few days. I had irregular sleep for almost 3 weeks now just to do all the requirements and stuffs. I have to sacrifice hanging out with friends and I believe chilling out isn't their priority as of this time. I believe that I deserve to relax and freed my mind with these school-related dilemmas. I was looking for a place where I could find peace and release all my anxieties.

I'm an active forumer of a site that features threads of different cities here in Mindanao, Philippines. As I was browsing, my eyes were captivated with the pics of a certain place. A campus, Mindanao State University in particular. I've told myself that I need to be there and feel the serenity of the place. So, I went there alone bringing only my jacket. I arrive there late in the afternoon. I swear, the place is so relaxing that I forgot all my problems and all in mind is to enjoy the nice place. The place that time is foggy that you'll feel your an inch away from heaven. It was one of the most relaxing places I've ever been. Thanks to my co-forumers for giving me a bit of info of the place.

Info: The Campus is the main school of MSU-Iligan Institute of Technology where I am studying. Both campuses are under the same system.

A lot of thanks to IBEX for the pics.

Stuff Struck

I'm sure that most of us, if not all, have something that we really wish to have. There are even few who will act immature if they'll not get what they want. I strolled in the mall this afternoon and a piece of stuff really struck me, furniture that will really make my room. I looked at the price and it wasn't student-friendly. I still have to save in my piggy bank for it. Who loves rustic furniture? I'm sure if you'll see it, you'll love it too.

A Compliment or an Insult?

When people treat you like an immature kid (the picture I posted is exaggerated..hehehe) because you look younger than your age, is it a compliment or an insult? I’ve been to this kind of situation in which others don’t believe me that I am really my age. And mind this, this happened not only once or twice, but lots of time. For instance, when I was in a salon for a haircut, the barber asked me what year I am in high school. I told him that I am already graduating, not in high school, but in college. And he was laughing like I am telling him a lie. That was so shameful, if I have just with me my school ID that time, I’ll slap it in his face (just kidding…hehehe). Situations like this, how will you react? At first I treat it as nothing, but situations happened all over. So I find it not a small issue at all. Simple problem for many, but for me it’s huge. I’m looking for mechanism in which I can handle this kind of moments, that I’ll never get mad to these people coz it is not their fault at all. It’s my physique that says. Well, I’m sharing this because I got no issue to tackle for my blog, hehehe. I hope you got me.

Startpage: Any Idea?

I'm sure a lot of bloggers love to multiply their readers. And myself is not an exemption. In fact (help me keep my little secret), whenever I do blogging in internet cafe's, what I do is that I change the browser start page in which most of them use yahoo or google as their startpage. I believe I'll not be punished by doing so, hehehe. That's it, just sharing my little (dirty?) secret.

Perfect Gift Ideas

My cousin's birthday is coming up. She's a little cutie who spends all her time playing around with her dolls and miniatures. And I really got no idea what gift will I give to her since I believe that she already have everything that a little kiddie wants. So of course, as an internet “addict”, I ended up consulting my friend GOOGLE. And I’ve found out that it will be a very good idea if I’ll giver her personalized kid’s backpacks. I’m sure she’ll like it a lot since she’s very much agitated to go schooling. Another perfect idea is to have her baby memory books. I’m a lot sure that she’ll love it a lot.

Now that I have perfect ideas on what to give her, my next problem is on where to have a laundry bags. It’s my mom’s wish to have, a simple thing that I’ve found difficult to find. But I’m sure it’ll be easy over the internet. Wow, that’s why I love spending lots of time facing my PC.

Dad in the Hospi

I missed my blog a lot. For almost a month of not posting any, I am now in my classmate's house, using his PC and connection just to visit my blog.
We are now in one of the saddest moments in our life. Early this morning, my father was rushed in the hospital. He got no sleep because of severe pain. His body is bloated and he really looks like he's losing hope. I got a phobia with hospitals, so I dunno how to face that fear now that I really have to visit my dad. I dunno how to cheer my father and the whole family up. Even myself, I dunno how to console. Only few of my friends know my situation and I am thankful to those who extended their sympathy and prayers. I dunno til when will I be strong to take this all.

How Hard

Behind my bubbly look are difficulties, hardships and struggles that I am trying to conceal. A lot of people say, it is us who made choices in our own life. That it is up to us if we wanna live it joyfully or in any other way. But I tell you, if you’re in my shoes, you’ll really say that it’s not only you (us) who’ll make your life, because if it’s only me who’ll gonna make choices, then I’ll always choose the best option.

How can I be really happy if whenever I got home, all I can hear is my father’s struggle with his infirmity? That I am so helpless and couldn’t even alleviate his pain. I’d even rather stroll outside than seeing my family crying because of helplessness. Yes, believe it or not, I may not look or sound one, but I belong to those Filipinos living below. I’ve been so very grateful still for I got friends (Yvette, marky and augrae especially) who’re there, letting me use their PC for this blog, lending me some penny if needed and best, listening to me if I need some ears. The question is, if all of these are just trials, when will it end? I even think that it is no longer a trial but a picture of how’s life is unjust. I really hope that I could stand with all of these and not fall in despair. I got a new bestfriend, who really listen to me and makes me feel lighter, this BLOG.

What About My Easter?

Though it is too late to do some postings about my Easter experience, I feel like it deserves a space in my blog. I had one of the happiest Easter Sunday I ever had. We spent the day in a nice white sand beach. It was very memorable for I spent no penny in that outing. My classmate do the treat. At first I really thought that I'll have a very lousy Sunday. But it turned out to be joyous. In the pic above is me and my friend/classmate Mary Joy.

Susan Boyle: She Made Me Cry

I'll be honest, I really hate crying. And if I did, I hide. I don't wanna let others see me falling down and so pathetic. This is me.

One day as I surf the net for news, a line caught my attention. The line says that someone shocked Simon Cowell. Who doesn't know Simon? American Idol? Britain's Got Talent? So I wasn't satisfied with just that line, so I really opened the link and read the whole article. And I saw an old woman, in front of the three judges, auditioning in Britain's Got Talent. Yes at first look, you'll really say that she got nothing to show. Human nature! As I watch the video clip, I was silent. I was stunned. She was so unbelievable. I became quiet. I cried. Really cried. She's so amazing. She's Susan Boyle, 47, unemployed and from a village in UK. In the video, everybody, including the judges and the hosts were shocked and almost cried. They gave her a standing ovation that she really deserve. I can see an innocence in her Susan's eyes, and her voice is so angelic that nobody will dare to criticize. I wish her the best of luck and her win she deserve. She's a living testimony that we shouldn't judge a person by appearance. But the ability and the kind of person he/she is. She'll be a mark in my mind and in my heart that no matter what people say, we should believe in our self and own ability.

watch the video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

A Taste of the West

I've been reading blogs and forums regarding home decorations and setting up. Most of the in-demand theme or motif is the western look. If you want to make your home looks like one of the homes in the west, then one of the best way is to set up western furniture. What's nice in this furniture is that it does not just resemble western living, it also speaks of quality and durability. How I wish that the house that I have will have a look that I'm dreaming of since before. You? Have you also dreamed of having a home in which you'll have a taste of the west? It's never too late.

My Journey to the Top

Last holy week, my friends and I had our own way of remorsing. I dunno if they considered it as a penitence, but for me it was. Wednesday evening, we started mounting the highest peak here in Iligan City, Philippines which is Mt. Agad-agad. It is more or less 1,900ft. above sea level and for me it is really not that easy to summit for the terrain is so demanding that you really have to be focused or else you'll end up rolling down. We started our journey at exactly 6:47 in the evening. We're very lucky that time for the moon was in its full phase so it wasn't really that dark. It was a long walk. And it was not that easy walk like your climbing a ladder or strolling in the park. It was a hard one that you really even have to use your hands in climbing up. Yes, it was dangerous. We've got no ropes or something. All we have is the excitement and the determination to summit. We spent more than 2 hours in climbing up. But it was so rewarding. We've got the nice view of the city. I'm sure it'll never be the last time. We're planning to have a season 2 of our climb.

I Can Hear His Pain

Do you know how it feels to hear your dad, your mom or any family member crying in pain?

It's so depressing that I couldn't do anything just to alleviate the pain that my dad is feeling. I reallt thought that the ache that his illness caused is over. That he's feeling better now and that we have nothing to be worried about. But one day, I entered his room and I saw him how he is suffering from very severe pain. Yes, he has cancer, a colon-rectum cancer. The most depressing part is that I'm s o helpless. I wish I haven't seen that scene so that I'll never pity. But I saw it and it is so devastating in my part. From that moment I realized that my dad, even in the middle of his agony, still thinks for us. That he feels like hiding the pain just to spare us from worries and that he had to wear a mask just to conceal how he really suffered from deadly pain. My feeling is indescribable. I really wish that if I can take the pain from my dad and suffer it by myself, I would. But checkin the reality, I couldn't face it. A help!

Earth Hour: An Act in Saving Mother Earth

I'm so proud that our city, and our country as a whole, participated in an event that is of great help in saving the world. Texts circulated and words have been passed just to inform as many people as possible to cooperate and take part in this very significant event.

Later this night at around 8:30-9:30, the city (Iligan City, Philippines), was covered with blinding darkness. The electric company that supplies energy into the households cut the supply to show their support in this kind of advocacy. It is of great help in saving our mother Earth. Though it's only 1 hour of power outage, it created a great impact through 1 hour non-emission of Greenhouse Gases. And it's already a gigantic help in saving the world in its total devastation. I wish that next year, every human in this lovely Earth will take part in this event and be knowledgeable about world saving.

Hardware Help

I've been lurking into blogs, forum and relative articles just to find solutions with my little, but not that easy problem. I was asked by my uncle to help my cousin out in his assignment. By the way, my cousin is taking up a vocational course in a school within this city. Of course, through the advent of technology, I ended up facing the computer and asking my friend google. Til I found a website that talks about pneumatic tools like, Nailers, fasteners, compressors and the likes. It really helped me a lot for it tackles mainly on the hardware thingy which I've been searching for. I thank much my uncle asking my help about this matter for it also helped me in a way.

"I'll March, For My Dad"

You know what guys why I am dying to do anything just to march in the isle and step up myself onto the stage?

If I were to ask, I'll never hurry myself in order to graduate on time. Because what matters most to me is the quality of the education I have. It doesn't mean that if I'll receive my diploma on the prescribed period of time, then I'm well-equipped and prepared enough to face the world of employment. I know myself better that anybody does, and that of I believe that I still need more time to feed myself with ideas and education related to my course. But, why is that I'm pressuring myself to march this April? The answer is that, "IT IS ALL FOR MY DAD".
My dad has been diagnosed with cancer when I was still in junior high. That was one of the most devastating turning points in our family. We have to look strong even if deep inside we're dying. We have to look happy, even if were saddened. That's how we fake ourselves just to make every moment with our dad happy. The doctor guessed that my father has only 5 years to live. Therefore, this year is his 5th year. Though it is hard to admit the painful fact, but I have to. I know that my dad also hide the pain that his infirmity caused. But I can feel and sense it in his eyes. The moment he bleeds, my heart bleeds too. I promised to myself that I'll make him proud of me. I'll let him see his son marching on the isle getting his diploma. It will be my very gift to my dad before the moment of conviction comes. But I don't think I can give it. I don't know how to say this to him. I don't want to give him more worries. And I know I can never hide it from him the way I hide my true emotions. I just hope that he'll never leave us without seeing me graduating. My only pray.

Graduation and Depression

Good day guys!

I have something to confess. Next week will be the final week for us graduating students. And it is so clear to me that I'll be marching on the isle not. At first, I thought that it'll be fine for me not to graduate on time for I'm still young and the fact that half of our batch couldn't make it, it'll be just very fine to me. So, I exerted no efforts in doing our thesis and in complying our projects. But now as the days pass as quick as thunder, I get very depressed. Seeing a lot of students bringing their togas and soon be practicing for their march, it kills me. Though I'm trying to hide this pain from my parents and to my classmates, I don't know til when I can keep it and not burst. I even got no idea how painful and depressing it is more on the supposed to be my Graduation Day. I even don't know what can I do to myself on that day. Will I hide in my room and sleep until the feeling is gone or just go out and enjoy the day even if it hurts. I know that I got no one to blame but myself. Yes, it's all my fault. I just wish that my team mates got no regret for teaming with me. I hope that I'll be sane the day where some of friends and classmates are marching on the isle and get up on the stage to receive their diplomas.

Searching for Credit Cards?

What's the best credit card in the globe? How it became the best among others? Few of the questions you have if you're planning to have your own card. Credit Card agents may have the power of persuasion through there very convincing talks. But you really need to compare for you to decide which card will you apply. Are you aware that through the advent technology, there are already sites that gives the customer relative information and a view of credit cards available on the web through comparisons. For instance, if you wanna know about the credit card balance transfer , the site will give you the information you've searched for. Do not be so impulsive that if an agent approached you and offer a credit card, be resourceful enough in comparing it with others on the market. Yes, it is undeniable that these cards really help. But it must be remembered that you must be responsible enough in using the card in any ways.

A Worthy Sacrifice

I've been very, very busy these past few days doing my stuffs. I'm so tired enough to cede but it's not the right time to do so. I have to do my stuffs in order to complete all my requirements. I have to sacrifice my sleeping hours and spend it doing. What is my only console is that after all these hardships is a scene of success. I must not get tired. I must not give up. I'm doing this for my family, especially to my mama and papa who are expecting a lot from me. Got to go guys, I still have a lot of things to do.

Who Needs T-Shirt?

I've been very, very busy these pat few days. Overnight here, sleepover there, I got no chance of washing my own shirts. I didn't notice that I'm running out of clothes already that the next few days, I'll wear nothing. So I was thinking of buying new t-shirts just to cope with my need. I usually look up to the T-shirts printing. I love statement shirts and of course, it must be red or black in color. The problem is my allowance is just enough for my needs in fare, food and I only got petty savings. I still need to ask from my mom and I doubt she'll give me. The only remedy at this moment is to wash all my laundries even if my body dictates rest.