Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Suicide Attempts

Why am I feeling this way?
Let me ask you, is it normal to think about ending yourself, committing suicide? Maybe you'll say, no, it's not. Loneliness kills me. I can't handle problems. I have a lot of anxieties. I can always remember what my Psychology teacher said, that there is really something wrong with me. Well, of course I believe I'm not insane. It's just that I always think of ending my life whenever I'm alone and my mind is loaded with problems, lots of problems.
But I am doing my best not to think about it. I always mingle with my friends even if I don't feel it. It's just that I can't help it. I really don't know how long can handle this thoughts and not do acts that will devastate me. I'm still hopeful that as I get more mature, all this thoughts will be buried into the deepest pocket in my memory and whenever I'll remember it, I'll just laugh about it.

2 comments:

  1. Hi Bryan,
    It is difficult to believe you are just 19 years old, because, though you wrote about suicide, loneliness, etc., your thoughts, the way you write etc., are way above that of a 19-year-old. If you are only 19, you are above average among your friends and peers. Perhaps that makes you feel lonely and it drives you to such thoughts.
    I too was like you at your age (I am over 50 now). I was much above average and had the same feelings, a kind of meaningless purpose of life, and our own very existence. Then I thought, maybe let it be like that, but I have many things to do before I die. There are thousands of people who suffer in life, including poverty and diseases. May be I can help and guide them, I thought. Or, I can express myself in the areas of my talent. Let me do that first, I thought.
    So, I worked on certain projects, ideas, etc., and just enjoyed whatever came my way. I stopped thinking of myself, but only about problems around me. Almost these things solved the problem.
    As I said, you have very good writing skills and clarity of thought. Why don't you just concentrate on these things and just say, "To hell with everything else". I hope that will help a lot and YOUR HIDDEN TALENTS will find expression, at least through your blogs. People will appreciate your work, I am sure, and, you will go ahead stronger and stronger. TRY it.
    Keep in touch! May be we can exchange thoughts.
    Krishna,
    Celebrity Females,
    www.moderncelebs.com

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