Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Suicide Attempts

Why am I feeling this way?
Let me ask you, is it normal to think about ending yourself, committing suicide? Maybe you'll say, no, it's not. Loneliness kills me. I can't handle problems. I have a lot of anxieties. I can always remember what my Psychology teacher said, that there is really something wrong with me. Well, of course I believe I'm not insane. It's just that I always think of ending my life whenever I'm alone and my mind is loaded with problems, lots of problems.
But I am doing my best not to think about it. I always mingle with my friends even if I don't feel it. It's just that I can't help it. I really don't know how long can handle this thoughts and not do acts that will devastate me. I'm still hopeful that as I get more mature, all this thoughts will be buried into the deepest pocket in my memory and whenever I'll remember it, I'll just laugh about it.


  1. Hi Bryan,
    It is difficult to believe you are just 19 years old, because, though you wrote about suicide, loneliness, etc., your thoughts, the way you write etc., are way above that of a 19-year-old. If you are only 19, you are above average among your friends and peers. Perhaps that makes you feel lonely and it drives you to such thoughts.
    I too was like you at your age (I am over 50 now). I was much above average and had the same feelings, a kind of meaningless purpose of life, and our own very existence. Then I thought, maybe let it be like that, but I have many things to do before I die. There are thousands of people who suffer in life, including poverty and diseases. May be I can help and guide them, I thought. Or, I can express myself in the areas of my talent. Let me do that first, I thought.
    So, I worked on certain projects, ideas, etc., and just enjoyed whatever came my way. I stopped thinking of myself, but only about problems around me. Almost these things solved the problem.
    As I said, you have very good writing skills and clarity of thought. Why don't you just concentrate on these things and just say, "To hell with everything else". I hope that will help a lot and YOUR HIDDEN TALENTS will find expression, at least through your blogs. People will appreciate your work, I am sure, and, you will go ahead stronger and stronger. TRY it.
    Keep in touch! May be we can exchange thoughts.
    Celebrity Females,